I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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