I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
