fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Someone shit on the floor
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize