I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
