Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
