Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
