Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize