One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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