its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
