No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
