just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
