I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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