you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
