Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Holy sore nipples Batman
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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