I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
