yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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