You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
