I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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