I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
