he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Randomize
