I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
