This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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