Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize