just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
