lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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