If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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