I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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