dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
