don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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