I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You took a bar mat shot.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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