Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
