Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
