hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
