My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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