You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
