i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize