i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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