Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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