I'm so fucking centered right now
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
