seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
