Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
this is an emotional support booty call
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
