I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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