go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
