I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
