For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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