the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
