I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
