my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
