i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
