if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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