Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
