She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
