you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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