My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
