who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
