Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
