so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
