Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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