You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
