I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
