I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
