My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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