fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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