sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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