Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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