My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
