I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
