I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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