I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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