I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
